I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
