Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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