Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
