This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
