I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
