you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
