Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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