Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
