He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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