I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
