What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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