I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
