Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
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You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
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All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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