i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
