My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
