hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
