I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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