So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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