I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
