He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
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