No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
