I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
