Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
