Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
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