its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
