She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
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My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
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Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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