every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
