she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
