"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
