Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
