you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
