i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
