You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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