I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
