Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
