Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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