We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
