Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.