He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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