I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
