8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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