i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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