goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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