I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
