Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
