In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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