dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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