Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
