You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
