I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
