I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
