I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
