We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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