Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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