I don't remember. Are we still dating?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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