Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
