Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
