All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My feet surprised me
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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