Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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