They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
