talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I bet he comes in French.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
