hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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