my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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