Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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