I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
