Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
