party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
