I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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