if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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