At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
