We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
