I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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