I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
