Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
