And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Randomize
