You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
