i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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