i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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