im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
