She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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