Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
