Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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