he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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